


Jell-OH!

by vivilove



Series: A-Z Kinks collaboration [4]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Birthday Smut, But he's not all bad, But it's not like he's been stabbed by his NW brothers in this 'verse, Cunnilingus, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Jell-O, Jon is a wee bit gullible, Surprises, Theon is a bit of a jerk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 23:04:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14628879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivilove/pseuds/vivilove
Summary: This was all Theon’s fault as most things are. It was the only explanation Jon could come up with as he laid down on the kitchen table, freshly showered and wearing nothing but what Sansa had proclaimed his sexiest underwear.Getting the Jell-O shots in place was the tricky part though he learned as he carefully worked his way up from his thighs to his abs and then chest. The colorful little squares had been sitting in the fridge just as Theon said they would be.She must really have wanted this, Jon told himself.He glanced over at the clock ticking away over the sink. 6:37PM. She should be home any minute now. It was Sansa’s birthday and he loved her. That was why he was doing this…and because Theon told him she wanted this.





	Jell-OH!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mahe729](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mahe729/gifts), [asongforjonsa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/asongforjonsa/gifts), [Titania_Queen_of_the_Fairies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titania_Queen_of_the_Fairies/gifts), [Queenofthebees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofthebees/gifts).



> This one is pure silliness but hopefully funny smut. I'm gifting it to three lovely commenters and Deb for inviting me to participate in this :)
> 
> My last entry in the new A to Z Jonsa kink collection.
> 
> J is for Jell-O!

 

This was all Theon’s fault as most things are.

It was the only explanation Jon could come up with as he laid down on the kitchen table, freshly showered and wearing nothing but his Tommy Johns. Skin tight and short in the leg, Sansa had smacked his ass and proclaimed them his sexiest underwear when he’d bought them so he figured they were ideal for this occasion.

Getting the Jell-O shots in place was the tricky part though he learned as he carefully worked his way up from his thighs to his abs and then chest.

 _Should’ve made Theon help me_ , he thought for half a second…and then shuddered.

The colorful little squares had been sitting in the fridge just as Theon said they would be.

 _She must really have wanted this_ , Jon told himself.

He glanced over at the clock ticking away over the sink. 6:37PM. She should be home any minute now. It was Sansa’s birthday and he loved her. That was why he was doing this…and because Theon told him she wanted this.

 _God, I hope this pleases her,_ he thought as the cool and moist little squares jiggled precariously on his chest and stomach with every breath he took.

 

* * *

 

 

**One week earlier-**

 

“Vanilla? What are you talking about?” Jon scoffed before opening his beer at Sam and Gilly’s house warming party.

“It’s okay,” Theon laughed. “I’m sure you do your best. And with Sansa being such a lady most of the time, I wouldn’t have expected it either.”

Jon looked over at Sansa who was laughing and chatting with Theon’s girlfriend, Jeyne, who happened to be Sansa’s roommate and best friend. She glanced his way and smiled softly. Just a soft smile from her could make his heart skip a beat. He smiled back at her like a goof and took a sip of his beer.

“You’re full of shit. No way was Sansa complaining about our sex life to Jeyne. We’re very…”

“Did I say she _complained_ , Snow? Oh, no. I said she said, and I quote, ‘I wish Jon were more willing to try out kinky stuff with me in the bedroom…or outside of it.’”

“We do plenty of…”

“She especially mentioned the kitchen table.”

“She did?”

“Uh huh,” Theon said sincerely as he sipped his own beer.

Jon shook his head at Theon but inside he was reeling. She had said something in passing once about how they’d never had sex in the kitchen. At the time, he’d assumed it was just a statement. She was rather obsessive about keeping the kitchen clean.

 _Maybe I missed a hint there_.

But, it wasn’t like they never did anything out of the ordinary. They just usually did it behind her bedroom door. Plus, she lived with Jeyne! Sure, one might argue he practically lived there, too. But he thought eating Sansa out on the kitchen table or fucking her into the couch cushions might not be appreciated by the other woman who lived there.

Sharing a place with Pyp and Grenn didn’t grant as much privacy as her place did but they both still tried to be respectful of Jeyne’s presence when she was home. Truly loud sex was reserved for when they knew she was out.

Unfortunately, there was the Theon FactorTM to deal with since he’d started dating Jeyne. They’d been friends for ages but Theon had always known how to aggravate Jon in seconds flat…or make a fool of him. Sometimes, Jon though Theon lived just to take the piss out of him.

He glanced at Sam and Gilly who were beaming at their guests with their hands linked.

_We could be like them. Really ought to ask her about moving in together. I think we’re ready. I hope she would agree. And somewhere without Theon hanging around would be a nice bonus._

Jon self-consciously scrubbed at the back of his neck. “What did she, uh…mention…in particular?”

“Oh, I couldn’t betray Jeyne’s confidence,” Theon said with a sniff like it was Jon who was the inappropriate one now.

“But Jeyne betrayed Sansa’s! And you brought it up!” Jon said hotly.

“Settle down now. Keep your shirt on…or don’t,” Theon cackled, looking around to be certain no one was listening. “Never let it be said I kept my mate in the dark about how to please his lady.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Jon?” Sansa called as she entered the apartment on her big day.

 _Big day?_ she huffed to herself. _Birthdays are not nearly as much fun to celebrate when you’ve got a job and bills to pay_.

It had been a difficult day at the office. Her boss, Tywin Lannister was a walking nightmare some days. He had kept her on her toes all day with his rapid-fire demands and frosty glances that were hard to interpret. Even when he smiled at you, you didn’t know if you should smile back or run for your life.

Jeyne had kept hinting about throwing a party but Sansa had no energy for it.

“It’s not every day a girl turns twenty-four, Sansa,” Jeyne had pouted when they’d escaped for lunch.

“I don’t want a party,” she’d replied.

Jeyne had looked completely unconvinced. Sure, a younger Sansa would’ve wanted the attention and a big to-do but now she just wanted to order take-out, snuggle in her room with her boyfriend and chill.

 _Maybe a foot massage_ , she thought with a grin. _And after that…_

Her grin widened. Jon would know just what to do to relax a tired, stressed girl with his magic tongue and talented fingers. And once she came, he’d make love to her, sweetly and tenderly. She couldn’t wait.

“Jon?” she called again.

He’d said he’d head over to her place after work. Most days when he beat her here, he was waiting to give her a big kiss as soon as she walked in.

 _Maybe he’s waiting for me in the bedroom_ , she thought excitedly.

Her stomach was growling but it could wait.

 _We really need our own place_ , she thought as she kicked off her shoes and hung up her bag on the hook.

Seeing Sam and Gilly in their new home had really got her thinking that direction. She’d been a bit intimidated to mention it to Jon just yet. Would he be agreeable? She hoped so.

She started down the hallway towards the bedroom but just happened to glance in the kitchen as she passed it.

“What in the…”

She trailed off, too astonished to finish the question. Jon Snow, her kind but somewhat introverted boyfriend, was lying on the kitchen table in his underwear and covered with colorful little dollops of something.

“Uh…Happy Birthday!” he said as one red, jiggly square slid off his left thigh and onto the table.

_*plop*_

“Shit.”

Sansa covered her mouth to try and hide her giggles but they would not be contained. His face was turning pink as she sauntered over to inspect.

“Why are you covered with Jell-O shooters, Jon?”

“I wanted to, um…surprise you,” he said uncertainly.

“Well, consider me surprised.”

Sansa took a moment to look him up and down. He was wearing nothing but those short navy-blue boxer briefs of his that hugged him…well, they were favorites of hers. And Jon worked out regularly. Sansa was appreciative of all his dedication and hard work at the gym, especially now.

“And am I supposed to…eat these off you?” she asked next. The idea had appeal she had to admit even if she wasn’t normally a big fan of vodka.

His brow furrowed. It was rather adorable but then he floored her with his response. “I guess so. I mean, isn’t that what you wanted?”

“What I wanted?” she asked. Now, she was puzzled.

His face went from pink to bright red as a hand came up to scrub his beard…dislodging another square, this time from his chest.

_*plop*_

“Fucking Theon,” he muttered.

It didn’t take Sansa long to connect the dots then. “Jon…have you been listening to Theon again?”

“Yes,” he whined. “Fuck! I’m going to kick his ass!”

She threw her head back and laughed, all cares and annoyances from her day forgotten. He started grumbling and she stopped at once. He was scowling and getting ready to sit up. All his work would be wasted. She couldn’t have that.

“Oh no, no, no! What do you think you’re doing?” she asked, her voice deep and sultry as she placed a hand on his chest to prevent him from rising.

“I’m…uh…”

“It’s my birthday,” she said with a little pout as she began unbuttoning her blouse. “I want to enjoy my present.”

Jon’s dark eyes widened and he grinned now. He had the sexiest grin. Okay, maybe she was biased.

Sansa shimmied out of her skirt but left her bra and panties on. “I can’t wait to taste you, lover,” she purred as she trailed one hand along his leg from his foot to his thigh. She felt him shiver lightly at the touch. “And after I taste you…maybe you’ll want to taste me.”

“Yes…fuck yes,” he said.

Sansa leaned over his body, deciding where to begin. He wetted his lips with his tongue and watched her raptly. One yellow square was on his right thigh above his knee. She was sure to let her breasts brush his left thigh as she closed her mouth around the shooter, kissing his leg as she sucked the shooter into her mouth.

“ _Mmm_ …lemon,” she hummed as she swallowed. The liquor and the sweet gelatin coated her throat but she could still feel the warmth of his leg on her lips. “I’m going to need all the lemon ones, I think.”

“There’s another lemon one here,” he husked, flicking his eyes towards the one low on his abdomen, right above the band of his underwear.

“And one here,” she said, lunging up to capture one on his chest.

Again, she sucked the goodie into her mouth. But this time, she methodically licked the space it has occupied afterwards, removing any sticky residue that might have been left behind. His hands started to reach for her.

“Uh-un…I’m not done eating my present,” she tsked.

He whimpered but lowered his hands again. “Fucking Theon,” he groaned as she chose a lemon one on his belly next.

 

* * *

 

 

Lemon, orange and cherry, Sansa gobbled down every little square, thirteen of them in all sans the two that plopped onto the table. And it was delicious torment from start to finish as far as Jon was concerned.

 _We really need to try this the other way around_.

Sansa’s wet, warm tongue had tasted nearly every inch of his chest and abs. He was dying to taste her, too.

“How do you feel?” he asked, wondering if the shooters were all that potent.

“Still awfully sober for my birthday,” she laughed.

“You ate them up rather quickly. You may feel the impact in a bit.”

“Perhaps.”

“I think it’d be best to get you off your feet then,” he said. He rose from the table and laid her across it. He leaned over and kissed her mouth, tasting the fruitiness of the Jell-O on her tongue. “ _Mmm_ …very sweet.”

“Sorry I didn’t save any for you.”

“Well, there’s more in the fridge, sweet girl.” He removed the second baking sheet and sat it on the table near the first one. He slipped a finger under the band of her bra. “May I?”

She grinned and nodded, rising enough for him to remove her bra. He’d leave her underwear for the moment. He had plans to taste her there soon enough.

Sansa gasped when he placed the first shooter on her skin, right above her navel. He could see light goosebumps breaking out across her flesh. He liked it. He carefully covered her chest, belly and thighs before placing one on her breast. It immediately began to slide off so he had to chase it down first.

His tongue lapped up the orange shooter and then dragged across her nipple. Her back arched and she moaned softly. She loved attention to her breasts. He was sure to get any hint of the Jell-O off her skin just as she had done to him. He noticed her legs rubbing subtly together and grinned. A little sweet torment wouldn’t hurt her any. Just as he felt her fingers twisting through his curls go guide him back to her nipple, he moved down to her belly.

“Uh-un,” he tsked, mimicking her from earlier. “Don’t want to dislodge all my tasty treats.”

“Jon…” she whined.

He huffed a laugh against her smooth skin as he chose the cherry from her navel and she giggled. Sansa was ticklish. He nosed her belly, inciting more giggles and causing the little squares to wiggle wildly.

One by one, he claimed each shooter until there were no more. He’d finished at her thighs.

“Scoot down,” he husked as he gripped her hips and helped her adjust.

He took a seat and positioned himself between her legs. His hand glided up one thigh, checking for sticky spots. He found none. He’d licked her clean.

Without warning, he palmed her mound. She hissed and bucked against his hand. “Yes…”

“What do you want, beautiful?” he asked. “Do you want me to eat something else off our table?”

“Please, Jon,” she whimpered.

“Your panties are wet, birthday girl. Did I do that?”

“You did.”

He smirked and hooked his thumbs into her panties. She raised her ass just enough for him to slide them off. He tossed them over his shoulder. Her pussy was glistening amidst the sprinkling of red hair down there. He licked his lips with intent. Her eyes were dark and hooded as she watched him lower his mouth to her.

He closed his own eyes as his lips closed over her clit and sucked lightly. The hands she’d been keeping at her sides earlier flew to his hair. He loved the way she tugged at it when he did this. Languidly, he inhaled and then lapped at her cunt.

Sansa was propped up on her elbows watching him intently. It couldn’t have been all that comfortable lying on the hard table. Hell, he knew for a fact it wasn’t. But he planned on making her forget that discomfort soon enough. And then he planned to take her to bed.

Sansa relaxed as he loved her, her thighs sagging further apart. Up and down, his tongue teased her slit before entering her. His thumb brushed her clit. He looked up to see her cupping her breasts. _Fuck, yes._ He loved watching her play with her tits while he ate her out. Giving her pleasure was pleasurable for him. And his birthday girl deserved all the enjoyment he could give her.

He teased her with his mouth and fingers until his beard was decidedly soaked and then switched, tonguing her clit and entering her with two fingers now.

She was tensed, on the brink of falling apart for him but she was sliding away across the table. He growled and grasped her hips, pulling her back to him again. They’d definitely need to sanitize the table later. Right now, he didn’t give a shit though.

“ _Mmm_ …yes, Jon…”

The little hitch in her voice, the way she sighed his name told him she was right there. He curled his fingers inside her just so and she cried out his name.

“Oh, Jon! Fuck!”

He moaned against her folds in response, humming into her very core as her thighs locked up around his head and her legs shook with her orgasm.

Once her breathing slowed, Jon wiped his mouth and lifted her into his arms.

“Where are we going?” she asked dazedly.

“To bed, sweet girl.”

“The table…”

“Will wait a little while. I’m going to fuck you nice and slow first. Then, I’ll order you whatever you like for dinner and then I promise to clean your table. I hope that’s not too vanilla for you.”

“Vanilla?”

“Well, that was what Theon said. Obviously, he was taking the piss but he said you’d told Jeyne our sex was a bit vanilla and you wished I’d do other stuff with you.”

“Theon’s full of shit, Jon. It is known,” she laughed. “And if anyone thinks our sex life is vanilla, I’ll quote Barenaked Ladies and remind them it’s the finest of the flavors.”

“It is?”

“Yup…right after lemon.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Come on,” Jeyne urged, handing him the bag from the liquor store and the pizzas before she grabbed the frosted lemon cake from the trunk.

 _So, this is not going as planned at all_ , Theon decided as he followed Jeyne to the apartment at last.

They were supposed to be here an hour ago but then he’d caught a flat on the way. Jeyne had called their other friends to tell them that the surprise party was now just a regular party and to shoot for eight instead.

Theon had thought it’d be a good laugh to catch Jon covered with Jell-O shooters lying on the kitchen table. He figured it’d make a good Christmas card. But he was certain Sansa had got home by now and ruined his joke.

 _Oh, well. He probably would’ve kicked my ass for it…and I would’ve deserved it_.

He still couldn’t quite believe his own audacity at the ruse he’d perpetrated in the name of harassing Jon Snow. He was one of his best mates. He loved him. But maybe a small part of Theon hoped that if Jon got fed up with enough of his bullshit that him and Sansa might find their own place. It was hard to explore the depths of one’s perversity with one’s girlfriend when one of your best mates and the sister of your other best mate were always around.

“Yes, dear,” he grumbled, hoping Jeyne wouldn’t be too pissed when she discovered his lies.

 _Oh, she’ll be pissed. In fact, you’d probably be better off with the ass kicking from Jon_.

Feeling somewhat queasy, he entered the apartment expecting to find Jon and Sansa waiting on them. They were nowhere in sight.

_Well, maybe they went out and…_

But then he heard them.

“Fuck, baby…oh, fuck, Sansa! God, Yes! Ride my cock like that!”

“ _Unnn_ …Jon. _Ohhhh_ …Jon! JON! JON!”

“Well, shit,” Jeyne laughed. “I guess Sansa’s having a good birthday night to make up for her day at work. Come on, Theon. Let’s put the booze and pizza in the kitchen and we’ll watch some TV till they come out.”

A few final shouted oaths, grunts and moans were heard as Theon did as instructed.

“What the hell?” Jeyne mumbled as she started to place the cake on the table…and then swiftly changed her mind.

The trays from the fridge were on the table along with a couple of stray shooters. A pair of silky panties were lying on the floor. And the table seemed a bit…

“I’m not eating here!” Theon shouted.

“Oh, sorry about that,” a voice said from behind him.

It was Jon. And that cheeky bastard was standing there in nothing but his nut-hugging underwear while smiling like the Cheshire Cat. Jeyne’s eyes boggled. Theon suddenly was feeling a bit slouchy in his jeans and tee next to Mr. Hardbody.

“I promise I’ll clean that up. But Sansa’s starved. Ooh, cake!” he said next as he spied the bakery box in Jeyne’s hands. “Is it lemon?”

“It is,” Jeyne said, plainly perplexed.

“Perfect. You’re the best, Jeyne. I hope Theon does a good job of showing you how grateful he is to have you. By the way, we’re going to start looking for our own place tomorrow but Sansa will pay her half of the rent till the lease is up, okay?”

Jeyne nodded slowly as he took a pizza box from Theon, selected a bottle of wine and then unburdened her of the cake.

“Did you make those shooters for the party, Jeyne?”

“I did.”

“Sorry, we consumed them all. But honestly, you can blame Theon for that.”

Jeyne turned towards him. There was already that tell-tell crease between her eyes that formed when she was suspicious…or pissed.

Jon started to go but stopped to add, “And I called Robb. I suggested we could all have drinks together to celebrate Sansa’s birthday tomorrow night at the pub. We’re sort of having our own little private party tonight to celebrate.”

 


End file.
